You’re probably thinking, yeah right?! How is this girl, Paige, going to get my daughter to listen to me? Eye roll X 12.
The thing is…
You’re doing it wrong.
Oops. Did I say that out loud? Lol. Well, maybe not all of you… but, this is still important.
Your daughter might not be listening to you, but they sure as heck are watching you.
Watching your every move.
So, I have some questions for you!
How do you respond to failure?
How do you react to disappointment?
What do you do when someone (your kids) make you so angry?
What is your morning routine?
How do you handle stress?
What are you doing to stay motivated?
Okay, woah. I’ll stop there. That’s enough to reflect on for one day. But! I’ve got you thinking, right?!
We teach these girls to be leaders. To lead by example.
They are watching you, not listening to you. Lead by example!
I used to think that it was all my coaches’ fault.
I look back and I totally played “the victim card” at times.
You’re probably thinking… what the heck is the victim card?
It’s this thing when you blame everyone else for why your life and success isn’t going the way you want it and instead of taking action and taking responsibility you find the easy way out.
It’s okay, there’s more than enough time to turn this thing around.
I have had coaches that...
were really hard on me
yelled at me
were disappointed in me
I have also had coaches that…
pushed me because they knew I had more
I used to think my lack of confidence was because of my coach.
I used to think that my lack of playing time was because of my coach.
But it was me.
I know NOW...
When things started to get really serious, all I could think of was how do I show up even bigger for these girls? These girl athletes who have lost their sport. Lost their seasons. Lost their way.
If I am feeling sadness, fear, anxiety, overwhelm, stress, uncertainty, and so many more emotions, these girls must be feeling them too.
So, I added bonus sessions for the girls in my mentorship to start because I wanted to create a place they could come together and keep growing. To keep getting better. To keep taking steps towards their goals and dreams. To stay consistent. To keep a positive mindset. To work on confidence. To keep routine in their lives.
It’s been AMAZING already. The girls are LOVING it. So, I decided I wanted to invite more of the girl athlete community in on this!
What is it?
2 sessions a day
Monday through Friday (like school)
*Until April 3rd at least with possibility to extend
We are always the hardest on ourselves.
Our own worst critic.
I remember as an athlete, I was thinking…
I could have done that better.
My teammate is so much better at hitting than me.
I want to be better so badly.
Even though we won, I’m still mad about that one play.
Being our own worst enemy is exhausting and just depressing sometimes. It leads to burn out and lack of motivation. We squeeze all the fun out of playing and competing.
Good news! Here is the solution. A start to helping your daughter give herself some grace, patience, self love, and confidence.
Solution: Changing the way she thinks and talks about the game and herself as an athlete.
This changed everything for me.
After I started visualizing success, practicing self talk, and being mindful…
I was happier as an athlete and a person.
I was a better teammate, friend, and...
Dad says to you, “Emma, just go out there and be confident!”
Coach says to you, “Hannah, just believe in yourself next time!”
You’re probably thinking, “Ummm...okay, that sounds good, but I really don’t feel confident at all deep down. How the heck am I supposed to feel confident and believe in myself?
Especially if you just made a total fool of yourself in the last play or at bat!
I feel you.
I wanted to feel confident more than anything in the world. Just like you.
So, why aren’t you confident?
I’m going to be straight up with you right now because I want you to be confident SO BADLY!
You aren’t putting in the mental work. You are doing all the physical work, but you are forgetting the core, the foundation, the key element.
Your brain controls your confidence.
To feel confident, you have to start telling yourself…
How you want to show up
Who you want...
I had the Mind + Body Camp for the Firecrackers - Arizona Softball Organization here in the Phoenix area and this is how it impacted just one team!
First off, you might be thinking… “What is the Mind + Body Camp?!”
The Mind + Body Camp is a way for your team to work on their physical softball (sports) skills (examples: hitting, defense, conditioning) while learning new mental skills, then putting it all together through challenges and competition!
This camp is for girls and teams that...struggle with their confidence, get down on themselves easily, do really well at practice and fall apart in the game, or have a hard time balancing school and softball (sports) at times.
At this camp the girls learn ALL of this...
How to visualize and see themselves succeeding
How to practice and execute positive self talk
How to break through their mental blocks and fears
How to practice gratitude (this one is great for parents when they come home grateful)
It sometimes, okay… kind of all the time, feels like we have to be hard on ourselves as athletes.
It’s this balance between being proud or feeling accomplished and pushing harder or never enough.
Most times, again, like all the time, we feel like we aren’t enough.
Athletes are constantly thinking about…
How do I improve
Why am I not further along?
Will I ever be good enough?
Can I really do this?
I need to push harder
There’ so much I need to get better at
And this is good! This is what makes us better. It’s the competitor in us!
But… we forget to pump ourselves up. We forget to give ourselves credit.
It’s CRUCIAL as an athlete to take time to be proud of ourselves too.
So, here’s what you as the athlete or your daughter needs to do TODAY!
Last weekend, I was able to watch a ton of college softball. This was always my favorite weekend playing because it was the first weekend and we always played in Arizona at the ASU tournament. I’ll never forget my first game ever as a division 1 softball player. I got the start as a freshman catcher against Oklahoma (nothin’ like your first at bat against Keilani Ricketts)!
Besides the fact that this first weekend in February always takes me back to the glory days (well, with lots of ups and downs) I had so many thoughts and huge takeaways for muh girls!!
Here it goes!
1Your investment and focus is EVERYTHING!
I watched these big time teams, Northwestern, Tennessee, ASU, Arizona, Utah, etc. and what I noticed was that every single girl that was on that field (pitcher, infield, outfield, the bench) were FREAKIN’ dialed in!
What does that mean?
They moved around each pitch B R I N G I N G the energy!
They communicated with PASSION!
How it plays out...
Mom/Dad: Why did you swing at that pitch over your head?!
Daughter: I don't know! I just did (starts to cry because can't stop thinking about how she's such a failure).
As the daughter in this, a lot of times, I...
didn't feel grateful
So, I am just gonna lay it all out there. Straight up!
Parents! I love you and I know you love your kids, but...
STOP telling your daughter what she did wrong. She most likely already knows what she did wrong.
START asking your daughter how she is doing or if she is okay.
"Why did you do this?" or "You should of done that!"
"What did you learn today?" or "What did you do well today?" or "What can you do to improve?" and "How are you going to do that?"
I know... you want to help and control it...
I have spoken and mentored many teams and athletes now. The #1 thing they crave and want is...
If you want confidence, just like most things...
YOU HAVE TO WORK FOR IT!
I have some EASY things you can do to get this confidence!
The challenging part is being committed and consistent!
Step 1: Visualization and meditation
Seeing yourself succeeding and accomplishing your goals will GROW your confidence.
Go use my freebie download at paigetonz.com to practice visualization!
Step 2: Gratitude practice
Writing down and thinking about what you're grateful for give you a kick start, prospective, and more purpose!
Example: Grateful for my mentor, for my family, for my faith, for constant opportunities, for my failures teaching me and helping me grow, for my health.
A Pre-Game Routine for Your Mindset!
Use this tool to create a pre-game routine in order to mentally prepare for games and show up confident.