Feeling nervous before a tournament, a game, tryouts, or even a big test is TOTALLY normal. I think that there is a misconception that nerves are a bad thing. But, they are only a bad thing if you let them affect you negatively. 

I believe that nerves are a privilege. Nerves just mean you are excited to go out and do what you’ve worked so hard on week after week after week. 

So, how do you help your athlete reframe her nervous approach to confidence? I’ve got you. 

Your daughter might…

be thinking about all the negative possibilities.

be worried about what other people might think of her if she fails.

look defeated before she even begins. 

I help the athletes I work with reframe their thoughts. Those nervous, worried, negative, doubtful thoughts. Like this…

What if I do terribly? What if I trust my preparation and just let myself do my thing? 

If I make a mistake, my coach is going to pull me. I deserve this opportunity and I...

Watch and learn from former collegiate field hockey coach and former athlete, Nikki Parsley-Blocker on what it takes to be a part of a championship-caliber team.

Here are some of the things that really stuck with me after our conversation:

We are playing for a purpose not just a goal. This will take the pressure off.

Confidence is a choice. "I have done x, y, z to put myself in a position to succeed."

“One of our pillars is vulnerability. If you see something ask about it, even when you have a ton of things on your to-do list for practice.”

“You can't control the outcome, you can influence it.”

“Identity isn't what you do. You play softball, you're identity isn't a softball player.”

“The big setbacks that happen will eventually be little blips in your timeline that lead to something even greater.”

I can’t wait to watch how God works through Nikki and her incredible team at @libertyuniversity

You can follow Nikki at…

Do you have an athlete that just beats herself up after a game? Super hard on herself? Always negative and points out the bad things that she did?

That post game talk in the car ride home is a critical piece to her confidence. It can go way south and tank her confidence for the next tournament. Or it can be a learning experience and build her confidence for the next tournament.

I’m thinking you are more into the learning and growth in confidence option.

So, let’s talk post game talk.

First, decide with your daughter if the car ride home is a good time to reflect on the game or if she wants to wait till she’s decompressed some more. If you think about your own experiences with long, hard, busy, challenging days, you’d probably agree that having some time to decompress before sorting through it is what you’d choose too. Time and place to have these conversations and sort through her thoughts is crucial.

Second, ask her for permission. I know....

Watch and learn from current UW softball player, Rylee Holtorf on what it takes to make it to the WCWS.

Here are some of the things that really stuck with me after our conversation:

"My confidence comes from knowing I outworked the opponent."

"Pleasure over pressure - I get to have this experience."

"You have to put your faith in a constant - Jesus."

"Keep it fun!"

“Identity isn't what you do. You play softball, you're identity isn't a softball player.”

"No matter where you go to play. you are in control of your reactions and responses and your attitude about it."

I can’t wait to watch Rylee continue to thrive and make an impact on this game.

You can follow Rylee at…

Follow: @ryleeholtorf

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Telling your daughter, “Just believe in yourself,” isn’t cutting it. It’s not helping her actually believe in herself. Deep down, she is still doubting herself and you can see it all over her and you’re praying she can do it, but afraid she won’t execute and then continue to beat herself up on the way home.

Sound way too familiar?

When I played softball, I got a lot of “Just believe in yourself”s. “Go out there and be confident.” From my mom, my dad, my coaches. But, nobody was telling me HOW to believe in myself. HOW to be confident.

So, here’s the how!

Grab my Game Ready Confidence for her. This is a pre-game mindset routine that will help her be mentally prepared and confident going into her next game or tournament.

She will learn the importance of preparing her mind, creating what she wants to happen, and then visualizing her success!

These are simple, yet highly effective tools to help your daughter believe in...

Sadly, the Women’s College World Series has come and gone. It always gives me all the feels and takes me back to the good ‘ol playing days. But, more importantly, so many of the girls that I work with in my programs noticed and paid close attention to these young women playing in the tournament. 

They noticed… 

the pitchers' presence on the rubber 

the hitters literally talking to themselves before they step into the box 

how much fun the teams are having in the dugout 

that anything can happen, it just takes one pitch to change the entire game 

how calm and in control these athletes are in pressure moments 

Yes, it takes a lot of physical practice and training to get to where these young women have gotten. Hours and hours and hours. But, what truly separates them from the rest is their mentality. Their resilience. Their confidence. 

Having a confident presence, positive and empowering self-talk, being able to bounce...

Watch and learn from former collegiate basketball player, Taylor Hall's experiences through every part of her journey so far.

One thing that stuck with me after our conversation was, “Don’t take everything so seriously, playing your sport is meant to be fun."

Taylor did not have the best experience playing college ball, but that hasn’t stopped her from learning and growing to become the best version of herself and now impacting others through fitness and training. I love how honest and open Taylor is about her experience because often times the collegiate athlete experience can be glamorized and always shared as this dreamy thing. She was able to take a tough experience and make the best out of her situation.

Taylor’s advice to all the athletes that come behind her is to not take everything so seriously. Playing and competing is meant to be fun. It can be fun and intense. And you aren’t your sport, it’s what you do!

I can’t wait to watch...

I’ve been doing some learning myself. In this coaching program I am in, I heard this great example about how pain is necessary.

Shirzad Chamine, the coach of the Positive Intelligence program, explained that when you put your hand on a hot stove, that pain signals your brain to take your hand off the stove. Or else, you’re going to have a burnt-to-the-crisp hand. That pain is necessary.

This also goes for emotional pain. Our painful thoughts and feelings are necessary because when we have them, it is a signal to our brain to stop, pause, and redirect.

The problem is, sometimes we don’t stop, pause, and redirect to thoughts that are going to help us feel happiness, confidence, and be more successful. Sometimes, we get stuck.

That’s where mental training tools come in handy.

To stop and pause, I like to use breath. Taking a deep breath to get neutral again. Slow things down so you can make a better decision moving forward.

To redirect, I like visualization or...

When I thought about having my own kids, when I was pregnant, and now as a new mother, the one thing I want my son to be is respectful. 

Every single time I have the opportunity to do a workshop with a team in person, I know within the first 15 minutes who I would want on my team (if I had a team).

I can tell by the girl’s presence, their body language, if they are making eye contact, if they are facing towards me (the speaker), if they are talking over me (the speaker), on their phone (this one seems like a given, but you’d be surprised how many girls I have seen on their phone during a workshop). All of these things, to me, mean respect. 

I don’t care if a girl is the best player on the team. Best player in the state. In the country. I want girls who are respectful. Because that respect tells me they can be a team player, can be a leader, can be coachable. That’s the kind of athlete I want on my team. 

So, would I choose your daughter to be...

I can remember plenty of times when I was playing club ball, even college ball, and the parents would be chatting with each other in front of the athletes playing about who should play, who didn't deserve playing time, if the coach was awful or not worthy of the position, or even gossiping about other parents. 

As I have gotten older, grown, and formed more of my own opinions, I look back at those moments and know how toxic they were for me and my teammates. 

Anyone, not just parents, falls into the pit of gossip at times. We are human. Meaning, we aren’t perfect. But, we need to have more awareness because it affects what your daughter thinks about gossiping. If you gossip, she will think it’s okay to gossip. And in my opinion, it’s not okay to talk negatively about others. 

Parents need to stop gossiping because even though it doesn’t seem like the kids are listening… they are. They are like sponges. 

So, let’s commit to...