I’ve really struggled to tell the girls I work with to let go of expectations because I have a really hard time just letting go of my own expectations. It feels like lowering my expectations or having no expectations. And I really believe that the expectations I have had in my life have catapulted me into success in all the things that I do.
But, I also know that as athletes and high achievers, sometimes our incredibly high expectations can be detrimental to our success and hold us back because we are just too dang hard on ourselves. Never giving credit where it’s deserved or celebrating the progress.
And then, I heard this from a guest speaker I had in the program…
“The higher your expectations are, the more grace you must have for yourself.”
Boom. That message has stuck with me ever since. How GREAT is that?!
Every time I am not meeting my very high expectations, I remind myself to extend some grace. A lot of grace. Being kind to...
Watch and learn from former collegiate rowers and collegiate coaches, Carmen and Fran’s experiences competing and coaching at the college level!
One thing that stuck with me after our conversation was, “you belong somewhere.”
Carmen and Fran also answer…
What have been their biggest struggles along the way and how they have overcome them. What they have done to be confident or work on their own mindset.
How they bring their college experience and coaching experiences into helping with the recruiting process for the families they work with today.
What they have found that helps athletes perform under pressure, in front of college coaches.
What one thing she always wants her girls she coaches to walk away with.
What college coaches are looking for in their recruits.
One thing they wish they would have known sooner as athletes
You can follow Carmen and Fran at @rowersreach!
P.S. Loved this interview? Share it with another mom or dad or athlete...
What if I don’t get the hit?
What if I get pulled out of the game?
What if I let my team down?
What if I suck?
What if my coaches get mad?
What if my parents get mad?
She’s not the only one. I used to be the “What If Queen!” What iffing myself to death! Always worrying about the bad things that could happen.
I remember being in the on-deck circle knowing that I was going to get up to my at-bat and have an opportunity to knock in some runs for my team. But, I didn’t think about it as an opportunity. I what iffed it.
What if I strike out?
What if she pitches me inside?
What if I fail…again?
What if… what if… what if?
Way too often, I ended up with those kinds of results. Because what I think about is what I believe.
It wasn’t until my senior year that I started thinking differently when I created different results. Successful results. Hits, higher...
Does your daughter get nervous about having to talk to her coach about playing time? Where she wants to play? College recruiting? Feedback?
I did too as an athlete! All the way up to college.
I remember being soooooo incredibly nervous for my meetings with my college coach. I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about it all day. Sometimes, I would even schedule them earlier in the day if I could, just so I didn’t feel like that all day long!
But, after I left that meeting with my coach, after talking about what her expectations were for me, what I wanted, what I needed, my goals, how I was doing, what I could do to get better…
I FELT SO MUCH BETTER!
Even if there were emotions and tears in the meeting, I felt like the weight was off my shoulders and I could just go play, perform, and compete!
Having these conversations with my coach helped me…
Build trust with her
Understand what was expected of me
Grow as a leader
Be on the same page as my coach
Have a plan...
I have a few questions for you parents!
Is your daughter afraid to have a conversation with her coach?
Ask about playing time?
Tell them what they want out of their season/experience?
Are you the one doing the talking with coaches?
First off, you’re not doing her any favors by talking for her (as hard as it is, I get it, Mama Bear over here now).
Second off, it’s time to empower her to have these conversations with her coach! Think about how much success this is going to set her up for in her future as well (with teachers, professors, interviews, authority figures, etc.).
I get it. I was so nervous to talk with my college coach. We had these monthly meetings that I would absolutely D R E A D. I would think about it all day long and didn’t want to do it, but they always ended up being the best conversations and helped me be more successful and earn more playing time because I knew what her expectations were for me and she knew where I was and what I needed.
Have you ever noticed your daughter being afraid to ask questions?
Maybe she’s come home from school not knowing how to complete the homework because she was afraid to ask her teacher some questions because she didn’t want to look dumb?
Or she messed up the drill at practice because she didn’t want to ask her coach questions because she was afraid of how they would respond?
She’s not alone.
SOOOO many girls that I get to work with in lessons and in my programs feel this same way about using their voice. Asking questions.
But, what I want every girl athlete to know is that asking questions is what’s going to take their game and life to the next level. It’s the SHORTCUT to life because getting insight from someone that’s already done it, experienced it, and knows it is only going to get her to her destination faster.
So, in this week’s Mindset Lesson we are actually working on how to have the confidence to start asking...
Confidence all begins with your thoughts. Your daughter’s thoughts to be exact.
What she thinks and how she thinks about herself
What she thinks and how she thinks about the game
What she thinks and how she thinks about her performance or past performances
If they are negative thoughts (which often happens because as athletes we are so hard on ourselves), then she’s probably not feeling super confident in her games. Or as confident as she could be.
So, that means she has to create and choose thoughts that are going to make her feel confident.
How do you get her to do that?!
1 Acknowledge her thoughts and feelings prior to her next game
Remind her that negative thoughts, fears, doubts, all of those things are completely normal things to happen in her head.
2 Ask her to think about the opposite kind of thought. Something the most confident, next level, version of herself would think. Something she has thought when she was feeling confident and on fire...
Is your daughter struggling to stay motivated and accomplish her goals that she has set for herself?
It can be hard to stay on track. Keep our eye on the prize.
Most times we set goals and forget about them.
One way to stay motivated to accomplish goals is to go back and look at them, then reflect consistently. I do this EVERY SINGLE MONTH !
This process helps me…
Celebrate my achievements, progress, and wins along the way
Learn from what’s happened in this past month - good and bad
Understand what distractions are coming up
Learn what actions I can take to improve
Notice the people who are inspiring me and making me better
Know how I’m taking care of myself to show up my best
Create how I want to feel going into the next month
Get focused in on what I want to do and accomplish in the next month
Figure out what I want to give myself permission to do next month
Create a plan for when I do run into challenges and struggles
If your daughter could use some of this
This is pretty funny because as I am working on this email, I didn’t really feel like doing it… wasn’t feeling the motivation to get things done.
So, how did I get it done?
I wrote it down in my action goals in the beginning of the month.
It was written in my planner for today.
It was part of a plan.
I used a little self-talk like…
Getting this email done will be easy.
I can do this.
It will take me 15-30 minutes to get it all done and then I can relax.
This is how your daughter can stay motivated when she’s not feeling motivated!
Setting the goal
Setting the action goals
Mapping out the action goals in a planner/agenda
Create positive self-talk to support those actions and the plan
We are working on this exact process in Mindset Lessons this week! Have your daughter come join us so she can stay motivated when she’s not feeling motivated!
P.S. Could she use a little help using a...
Whenever I go to set goals, my own limiting beliefs about what I can do or what I can’t do get in the way of really going after what I want.
Sometimes, I’ll be dreaming and start to set the goals to achieve that dream and my mind is instantly telling me, “I don’t know if I can do this…”
Sound familiar with your daughter? Maybe even yourself as a parent?
Oftentimes we limit ourselves from what we are truly capable of because our brain is trying to keep us safe. But, instead of letting our limiting beliefs get in the way of what we want to truly accomplish, we can set goals in a different way…
One of the programs I’ve been in, we set goals, but we set good, better, and best goals.
Here’s how you can set good, better, best goals with your athlete so she can get past her limiting beliefs and set big goals that feel scary!
1 Think of a goal you want to achieve
2 Write down what the initial limiting beliefs or thoughts are around...
A Pre-Game Routine for Your Mindset!
Use this tool to create a pre-game routine in order to mentally prepare for games and show up confident.